Episode 753: All My Joannas, Gone – Radio Free Nintendo
Information about Episode 753: All My Joannas, Gone – Radio Free Nintendo
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Look, I’m going to start this article with a negative attitude, but it is your fault. You, right now, reading this, are to blame. You, who Time Magazine stupidly named “Person of the Year” in 2006, have created this. The fault is yours. All of you.
We are unblemished; our hands are clean. You will sleep the restless sleep of the guilty, we the sleep of cherubs with conscience unburdened. You shall see. You shall all see.
Welcome to 2022, and Radio Free Nintendo is back. We had a week off to play games and prepare New Year’s New Business Feast.
Jon had an extra week off, due to his travels in the land of his birth. He continued to work through Xenoblade Chronicles: Definitive Edition but it is beginning to dawn on him that this kind of game cannot be left for infrequent plane rides and trips abroad: it is far too long for such unfocused play. At only 20 hours, of an estimated runtime of 2,000 hours, he really needs to settle in for the ride. He also took advantage of his time away from The World’s Most Powerful Video Game Console™ to play Forza Horizon 5 via xCloud streaming. He, Gui, and James talk a little bit about the seasonal objectives in Horizon, the holiday decorations of Mexico, and how it plays on Microsoft’s streaming service.
Guillaume has finally completed Shin Megami Tensei V, while Greg has used the time off to continue to delve deeper into the 100 hour RPG. Gui reiterates his position that these kinds of games should be significantly shorter to better comport with his preferred length. That said, he did do all of the optional content. As a quick aside, if you’ve held off on purchasing Shin Megami Tensei V, it is presently on sale on the eShop in a number of regions. He’s also playing Mighty Goose – via Xbox Game Pass, but also available on Switch. He compares it to Metal Slug, which is extremely exciting. However, the co-op play is lacking, with P2 being limited to a comedy support role. It is probably only good if you really like the idea of laying eggs. We don’t judge, except when we do.
Greg has used the holiday break to sample from a buffet of games. Dynamite Headdy, the very first RetroActive, is part of the Switch Online Games Expansion Pass. Also on the premium version of the premium service is Paper Mario, which he spent the holidays enjoying yet again. The rest of his New Business is spent on a couple of interesting purchases. First, he imported the Kid Icarus: Uprising soundtrack from Japan. Having finally settled to an acceptable price, he decided to pull the trigger and now talks about the package he received. He also decided it was time to buy a new GameCube controller, and by that I mean the Smash Bros. GameCube controller. We spend a little time talking about how faithful reproductions these controllers are and why they aren’t (but should be) WaveBirds.
James spent the break doing James-like things. He could have spent this time exploring 2021’s big games: SMTV or Metroid Dread, unburdened as he was by the toils of work. He opted otherwise, finding a more self-destructive path to his liking. Rather than playing a widely-regarded JRPG from this year, he pursued a marginal 2019 remake of Langrisser I & II. There is no justification beyond curiosity and a sale. Now he is left to study this Fire Emblem contemporary, featuring the art of the “Master of Breasts.” Not content there, he decided to continue what might be a new, horrifying, annual tradition and spend his break with a Switch Visual Novel. This year, Worldend Club – a supernatural murder mystery that spends way too much time on cookie cutter romance stuff, and not enough on undead killers. Turns out the NWR Review was right on. But hey, it too was on sale.
After the break we decided to examine our inbox for a Listener Mail segment, but you all sent us literally zero questions over our break. None. Nil. I’ve never been so distraught, because it left us with a single to question, one we had left to fester in the inbox: “What moments from RFN would make good NFTs?” This question is impossible, as there is no such thing, but it also insults on a number of levels. It implies that we are incapable of coming up with a better – more fruitful and less obvious – scam to extract your currency, and I assure you we are far more deft at deceit than disinterested primates. This question also required we examine why and how NFTs happened, and lead to us coining the worst euphemism in our long history of wordcraft. The euphemism treadmill is now in reverse, we pursue worse terms still. We do not stay from God’s Light; rather, we wander in perpetual darkness. Our sin is your sin. The only ablution is sending fresh, new, and safe questions. Failure to so may only lead us deeper into this well of depravity.
A voice echoes in the darkness; it is your own, and yet you find you cannot speak. Email is the only path to Logos.